This is not a Democracy, This is a MOMarchy

mom·ar·chy  [mom-er-kee]  noun, plural  -chies

  1. paradigm in which the supreme power is actually or nominally lodged in a momarch.
  2. supreme power or sovereignty held by a single person.

In some ways, positive parenting strategies suck! I should know; I was one of those parents running after my wild child trying to get them to make “choices” and make my sleep deprived brain to develop “natural consequences” for bad behavior.

Of course, they failed because I didn’t have the energy or patience to be consistent. I will own operator failure. Unfortunately, I am not alone. There are very few harassed and harried moms – especially those with multiple kids – who have the time to master the skills.

I was at the playground with my kids one day, watching this woman chase after her two year old while trying to explain the toddler’s choices. She looked just as crazy as I must have looked and I finally had to ask myself, “Why am I negotiating with a person who barely reaches my knees and doesn’t pay any bills?”

This is not a democracy, this is a MOMarchy!

In a Momarchy, Mom makes the rules, sets the standards, and determines the privileges. Everything in your home belongs to you, including your children’s room. You merely allow them to borrow things while they are living under your roof. If your child doesn’t want you to find something, they shouldn’t hide it in their room. If they are demonstrating behavior that gives rise to questions about their activities, do not hesitate to investigate their belongings.

You don’t have to justify your right to dictate policy, rules or discipline; your absolute authority is divinely mandated because you are the parent. Being clear in your mind about who runs your ship will help you navigate through any disagreement with your children.

Children should learn early:

  1. Mom demands and deserves respect; she clothes, feeds, houses and provides extra goodies, sometimes at her own expense. Respect shows gratitude.
  2. To respond immediately when mom calls; every animal but humans, instinctively know mom’s call is a warning signal. You can’t keep your children safe if they won’t listen to you.
  3. To use their words rather than whine; a child’s whine is like nails on a chalk board that will cause moms to give in or snap. Neither reaction is good for your child’s development.
  4. Happy moms, happy kids; once a child learns that good things flow from a relaxed mom, they are more likely to “make good choices.”

I don’t mean to give a wholesale indictment on positive parenting strategies. I actually believe positive parenting provides a solid foundation for childrearing; they keep the momarch from becoming a despot. However, positive parenting is more effective when your child knows the alternative is worse.

Gird your ovaries and stay strong! Your life will be more peaceful once you get that badass under control and your life back on track.



“The Difficult Child”, Dr. Stanley Turecki


About The Momarchy

As a single mom, I was desperate to restore some semblance of order to my life and enjoy raising my children. My children are adults now and I believe I achieved my goal. This blog post is to share what worked, what didn't and what I learned from the other wise women in my life. Take what you need or share what you learned. Married or single, it does take a village to raise a child. Ladies...this is our village.
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